Inception was outstanding. Titanic was not.

Galen (Wheatshippers, The Dugs’ Friday offering) thinks this comic is outdated. To which I respond- Titanic was that bad. People need to be reminded.

Can you tell I’ve given up on the baseball season?

Q: Why does MLB’s Beat The Streak contest sound so easy, but is really so hard?

Martin:

I KNOW RIGHT!? I did some damn research for this. Yesterday, excluding pitchers because Beat The Streak doesn’t allow you to pick them, 317 players went to bat last night. I just counted them all. 317. Of those 317, 167 got at least one hit. That’s 53%. So ok, you might think calling a coinflip every day successfully is difficult, but that’s assuming all players are treated the same. Half of those guys without hits no-one was picking anyway! Either they aren’t known for their offensive contribution, or they have just been called up, or they play for Baltimore. Point is, your odds are way better than 50%. You just need to pick ONE guy out of that 167 who got a hit! WHY IS IT SO HARD?! Answer me that Larson. I have bloody statistics! What do you have?!

Eric:

I’ve got a scientific theory. Players play directly proportional to whether I’ve chosen them in a fantasy sport. The year that Chris Carpenter went out in the very first game of the season- yeah, I picked him 1st round.  I’ve forgotten to check my team twice this year. Those days? Matt Cain threw shutouts. The games after where I remember to play Cain? ERAs of 9 or higher. So I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I’m responsible for the hitter in question doesn’t get a hit that day.

Still have three fantasy championships to my name though. Martin and Galen? 0!

Q: As I recall, you play recreational league softball as well as tennis.  Does one ever influence the other, either for better or worse?

Eric:

I occasionally bring the wrong equipment to the games. This usually elicits laughs for softball, but results in my opponent running away in tennis and me winning by default- so it all balances out.

Martin:

I play football (soccer). I once had to run from a game straight to softball practice and I kept my shinguards on. This is the one time I have been nailed in the shin with a line drive. Didn’t feel it. True story. I think football influenced for the better there.

Q: Have there been enough ejections from games this year?  Should there be more?  Fewer?  How much of the game should happen in the game, and how much should be just raw emotion?

Martin:

Are you kidding me? Seriously? That is the worst goddamn question in the history of Hit and Run! There are frogs- tiny, pink frogs- in the heart of the Amazonian rainforest who, despite having never laid eyes on a human being, and certinally never having developed the ability to communicate with them, could still, despite all these shortcomings, produce better baseball questions than that! In fact, all the frog would have to do is say ‘ribbit’ and hop off and it would have accomplished more than you ever have in your measly, pathetic existence!

Eric:

< Throws first base through his computer screen >.

Q: Is the pitching mound a good height?  Should it be taller or shorter?  Why?

Eric:

Mark Prior is coming back to baseball. In the interest of his well being, I say eliminate any sort of change in elevation that could lead to stumbling. Barring that, install some steps or perhaps a ramp up to the mound.

Martin:

A regulation pitcher’s mound is 18′ in diameter, the center of which is 59′ from the back of home plate.  The pitcher’s plate (or pitching rubber as it is commonly called) is 18″ behind dead center of the mound.  The slope from the rubber shall begin 6″ in front of the rubber and will slope toward home plate 1″ for every 1′.  The rubber rests 6″ inside the front edge of a level area 5′ wide and 34″ deep and shall not be more than 10″ higher than the playing field.

Works for me.

AND THE WINNER IS… MARTIN MCFARLANE!!! Because might as well take advantage of the fact Eric has to buy a new computer screen.

See, it pays to be a consistent reader! It’s cheating, but this comic is the comic in question.

Also, sorry for the big chunk of blank space. I went away for the weekend without having the copy of the comic that I needed.

I hope everyone is having a nice labor day!

33 Chilean miners are trapped underground, and will have to wait at least a couple of months for rescue. Meanwhile, a brawl between the Marlins and the Nationals on Wednesday night has gotten a lot of players talking about respect and dignity and tough jobs and such.

Check out this story (including the video) of the brawl. As brawls go, it may have been for stupid reasons, but it’s a pretty awesome spectacle. Incidentally, that link may be a blog rather than hard news, but it’s far and away the best and most straightforward account I’ve read of it yet. I have to point out one mistake the writer makes though; Gaby isn’t Batman. Look again right after he clotheslines Morgan – he hits the ground, his hat falls off, and…and he picks it up! Then dives back into the pile! He’s not Batman, he’s Indiana Jones!

Now I’m not normally the kind of guy to be like “you’re worried about such-and-such, but what about Bigger Problem X?” like nuclear proliferation, environmental protection, or providing for the underprivileged and hungry. If we all did that, nobody would ever get anything done, because yeah, there’s always something bigger and technically more important. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but at the same time, my lawn has to get mowed sometime. There’s always bigger problems we’re not addressing when we take care of day-to-day business.

But when professional athletes talk about how hard their job is, it really just pisses me off. They’re paid thousands if not millions of dollars to play a game. I understand that it’s a level of devotion, physical fitness, discipline, and toughness that many of us simply couldn’t match, and that from a business perspective it’s worth paying them that much for the returns that are made on TV contracts, ad deals, ticket sales, and all of that. I get it. But when you stack all of that up against some guys who make a relative pittance and are now stuck underground until Christmas eating whatever can be shoved down through a 4-inch tube in the earth, well it just makes me want to do to guys like Nyjer Morgan exactly what Gaby Sanchez did to Nyjer Morgan.

Q: Baseball is America’s Pastime, what does sports look like in 50 years?

Eric:

One can pray for robots. In other areas, college football will still be hinting at a playoff system. Presidents will have gone further than Obama and attempt to pass a law forbidding the BCS. This vote always comes up 1 short of being passed. The dissenters? Robots. The football schedule will have been expanded to 18 then 19 then 20 weeks. People start getting injured so often that Keanu Reeves actualy becomes a Replacement. The NFL accepts that this was a stupid idea in the first places and goes back to 16 games but is discussing heartier players. Probably robots.

Galen:

Definitely not robots.  But it would be hard to tell the difference.  See, by that time, digital ink and tattoo technology will have created implantable, flexible touchscreens computers on everyone’s wrists.  Batters will have instant information about each pitch right in their line of sight.  They’ll seldom miss.  Pitchers will have their wrists upgraded to include fine muscle control to auto-correct pitches at the moment of release.  They’ll also seldom miss.  Baseball will become a very dull sport to watch, like a slowed-down version of computer chess, and the league will be struggling to survive.

Q: This one slipped through the cracks. Bobby Cox received a cake from Congress. They spelled his name “Bobby Cocks.” What is the appropriate reaction?

Galen:

Find a page, throw it in his face, and shout “How do you like that WHIP COUNT, sonny??”  Not every problem requires a complicated solution.

Eric:

Hehe Cocks. Hehe Slipped through the cracks.

Q: How are the Reds in 1st place by (as of Tuesday) 6 games? The Cardinals still have Matt Holiday and Albert Pujols, right?

Eric:

Holliday and Pujols are finally starting to settle into the St. Louis scene. With so much to do in the evenings, and all the nice night life, and the hot spots you can visit during a St. Louis evening… ha, yeah I have no idea what’s going on in St. Louis.

Galen:

Maybe the team just misses LeBron so badly it hurts.  They know the city has suffered, and they want to do what they can to help – to give some meaning back to that battered, tattered, rusting city by the lake.   Say what now?  Cincinatti is on the Kentucky border?  I’m thinking of Cleveland?  Well come on, is it really my fault if Ohio has too many crappy cities to keep straight?!

Q: Which team has the worst name? What should it be?

Galen:

Florida Marlins.  Every other stupidly named team has a reason or history.  Pittsburgh Pirates and San Diego Padres for example of the benefit of tradition going back about a hundred years.  Even the Colorado Rockies are named for something big and imposing.  But Florida just picked a fish.  They could have gone with Gators, Swampers, Hurricanes, Sharks, Wangs, Keys, Thunder, Breakers, Cruisers, Devious Mice, Conquistadors, Youthful Fountains, Lizards, or just about anything else at all.  Instead?   Fish.  Even the Rays had enough sense to finally back off the fish imagery.

Eric:

The Dodgers. When we were poking fun at each of the team names in our preseason prediction videos , it made me realize what a stupid name Dodgers were for the game of baseball. At what point are you dodging things? At the plate? Are you basing the whole of your success at the game of baseball by not taking one for the team? Pansy.  The tag play when you’re trying to beat out a throw? Make smarter baserunning decisions and this wouldn’t be a concern of yours more than 1-2 times a game.

Name yourself something useful. Like the Los Angeles 5:10s. Maybe your fan base will get there on time.

AND THE WINNER IS… GALEN RAFFERTY! You rarely lose an argument when you suggest The Devious Mice as your team name.

This is one of my favourite comics that I’ve ever done. And it is thanks to the wonderful Ryan North, author of Dinosaur Comics. If you haven’t read Dinosaur Comics- well, this entire comic is probably lost on you. And that’s a shame. You should go read some of them.

Anyway, as a fan of Dinosaur Comics, I asked Ryan if I could use Utahraptor in this comic, and within seconds he’d responded with a big thumbs up. Which he totally didn’t have to do, as this really could look like I’m just trying to mooch of his success.

The comic is born out of truth. Last Wednesday, we had over 1,000 unique visitors, which may not seem like much compared to other webcomics, but it is a huge milestone for us and pretty good considering we’re only in our second year. But it got me thinking about baseball players getting contracts based on their performance after one season, when there’s guys out there who have been consistent for ages. The analogy works well. After all, we may have had a big day, but who does simplistic art and conversations better than Ghosts of the Dugs? Dinosaur Comics.

Anyway, this comic will probably have really low appeal as you need to be a fan of both Ghosts of the Dugs and Dinosaur Comics to really get it. And that amounts to about 3 people worldwide, and they all write for the Dugs. I don’t care. I love this comic.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Eric is usually the question-master, but we gave him the week off. This was a mistake, as we are not good at organizing. So this edition of Hit & Run is a face-off between Galen and what Galen assumes Martin might have said if he’d been asked the questions on time.

Q: Manny Ramirez- good pick up for the Sox because there’s a method to his madness, or batshit insane who isn’t helping the southsiders do anything except pick up some more tv time?

“Martin”:

Aye, well wot ya cannae usually see  is that Manny can hit. Underneath the wanker lies a hitter. In a game like baseball where you use your hands to swing a bat, rather than your feet ta kick a football, this is a skill that comes in handy as a club approaches the post season.

Galen:

Bad move. Oh, unless there’s a no excuses clause.  What’s that…doesn’t exist? Well, then bad move. Get used to hearing “Manny Being Manny,” Chicago. Like it or not, the excuses are along for the ride.

Q: Martin’s Idea for Messing With Baseball #273- One team bats with 27 outs, then the other team bats with 27 outs. 2 innings! Tons of scoring! Eh?! EH?! Discuss.

“Martin”:

I get to answer a question about my own theory? Bugger me that’s convenient. The theory? Brilliant!

Galen:

No, crappy idea. When are you supposed to get more beer? Use the bathroom? Mark when you should go back to mowing the lawn? Sell TV commercials? I know you grew up in Scotland where your sports go on for like hours or days without breaks, but here in America, we need them! Hot pockets don’t make themselves and sheep don’t mow our lawns.

Q: Don’t use the internet. Name an Oakland Athletics player. See? Why don’t they change their GM’s stringent ‘no stars, no heft contracts’ policy?

“Martin”:

Nae, I cannae do it, unless…wait. Does that bloke A-Rod took the piss from still pitch for them? Braden? He must do, it’s the team’s only headline all season. Final answer: Braden.

Galen:

Baseball! That’s about as much information as I have about Oakland – the sport they play. And really, even that was about 50-50.

Q: Pirhana 3D is to movies what ______ is to baseball. Fill in the blank.

“Martin”:

Cheerleaders. They’re not necessary, completely gratuitous, but you know they’re a cracking good time once they’re right there in front of your face.

Galen:

Piranha 3D. Yes, that’s my answer. It is to movies the same thing it is to baseball – completely pointless and with no place in either industry.

AND THE WINNER IS… FAKE MARTIN! Yes, Galen managed to lose a week in which he was the only contestant. It was the Scottish accent that did it – makes everything sound so much cleverer.

Ah, Sabermetrics.

OK. I get it. The standard statistics aren’t up to snuff. The definition of a “quality start” may be to lax. People can’t get RBIs if there is nobody on base ahead of them. Players are only going to get so many quality at bats if there’s no one good hitting behind them.

But the extent that Sabermetrics have gone to have completely blown my mind. Let me just copy and paste some of the more popular measures into this blog:

Late-inning pressure situations (LIPS)
PECOTA (Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm)
Pythagorean expectation

and the ever popular

WAR

People go crazy for the WAR. People are treating WAR like FLUBARP.

Here’s how you calculate WAR (via saberlibrary.com):

Offensive players – Take wRAA and UZR (which, if you remember, are both in runs format) and add them together. Add in a positional adjustment, since some positions are tougher to play than others. And then convert the numbers so that they’re based not league average, but on replacement level (which again, is the value a team would lose if they had to replace that player with a minor leaguer or someone from the waiver wire). Convert the run value you have to wins (10 runs = 1 win) and voila, finished!

Pitchers – Where offensive WAR used wRAA and UZR, pitching WAR uses FIP. Based on how many innings a pitcher threw, FIP is turned into runs form, converted to represent value above replacement level, and is then converted from runs to wins.

Holy crap.

I once saw Neifi Perez lead the Cubs to an extra inning victory over The Cardinals by hitting a grand slam. In terms of whether I believe in the importance of Sabermetrics, that’s like walking in on your Dad playing Santa Claus on the night before Christmas. That’s like walking in on Neifi Perez playing Santa Claus.

This is something I’d love to see Mythbusters take a look at. Every once in a while, you see some guy – usually not a good player – take a slide into first base. They’re usually called out, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

The theory is that by getting down and extending your arms or legs, you’ll reach the bag faster, but I think that when just making contact on the bag is enough during a run to first you’re much better served by continuing to run full-out and just aiming one of your feet for that front edge of the bag. I can’t imagine the extension of limbs more than makes up for the loss of speed as a player slows down, bends down, and then slides on the ground.

The slide is obviously a great move for stealing or close plays when maintaining contact with the bag is important but after touching first, you’ve got all the time in the world. If the right fielder is playing over far enough, keep running out there and give him a high five after. Doesn’t matter.

Anyone out there in readershipland have any insight into this? Am I missing anything? Is the first base slide as dumb as I think?

Q: Is it a good thing that the start of football season and the end of baseball season overlap?

Eric:

For fans of certain teams, the baseball season ended long ago, so yes it’s actually quite welcome. What else are we supposed to do? Actually, I think we answered that last weekend with a Ninja Warrior fantasy draft, and Martin suggesting that we have a Miss Universe draft as well. Also, fantasy stock market from 2 years back. The world without a relevant sports team is MADNESS.
Martin:

Why does there need to be ‘baseball season’ and ‘basketball season’ and ‘snooker season’? Let them all overlap I say. In Scotland, the football season runs from late July to late May. You get one month off, unless it’s a World Cup year. Then back to it. I say do this here! Let’s see those NFL guys try an 11 month season. Let’s see ANY OTHER SPORT try to manage what baseball does by keeping fans interest for over half a year. Plus, I like having options. When my only option is NBA or Wipeout, sure, I’m going to watch Wipeout as I like legitimate sports competition, but I’d like some choice.

Q: What tremendously unlikely thing or person would you like to see added to the Hall of Fame?

Eric:

The Phillies Phanatic. The real one. I would like to capture him, and keep him in a glass case there.

Martin:

Ron Santo. There’s no joke here. It’s unlikely because the Veterans Committee are, I think, just corpses in a room somewhere by now and will never vote anyone in but in the unlikely event that one of them reads this- give me one legitimate reason Santo, one of the greatest third basemen of all time, doesn’t belong. Story. End of.

Q: Some players, like Adrian Beltre, don’t wear a cup.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM??

Martin:

The cup interferes with his stance. Because that ain’t a bat he’s swinging.

Eric:

OK, I get it. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world to wear. It’s like a little tiny plastic man is cupping your testicles.  But, I’m guessing more people don’t wear them because you can’t get a sponsorship in that region due to lack of exposure (unless you’re Steve Lyons ). Slap Mr. Peanut on that puppy, and you’ll have it happen league wide.

Q:  How important are the statistics of past performance really to the prediction of future outcomes?  Or:  is baseball really more of a stats game?

Martin:

I have a 5-5 record in Hit and Run. My past four outings have seen a loss, win, loss then win. So statistically speaking, this should be a loss for me. So you tell me if stats matter.

Eric:

Yes.

They do.

I win.

AND THE WINNER IS… ERIC LARSON! Because it’s time we start enforcing a penalty for sports and words Americans know nothing about. Snooker? I’m still waiting for my explanation of what a Munro is.