See, it pays to be a consistent reader! It’s cheating, but this comic is the comic in question.
Also, sorry for the big chunk of blank space. I went away for the weekend without having the copy of the comic that I needed.
I hope everyone is having a nice labor day!
Ah, Sabermetrics.
OK. I get it. The standard statistics aren’t up to snuff. The definition of a “quality start” may be to lax. People can’t get RBIs if there is nobody on base ahead of them. Players are only going to get so many quality at bats if there’s no one good hitting behind them.
But the extent that Sabermetrics have gone to have completely blown my mind. Let me just copy and paste some of the more popular measures into this blog:
Late-inning pressure situations (LIPS)
PECOTA (Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm)
Pythagorean expectation
and the ever popular
WAR
People go crazy for the WAR. People are treating WAR like FLUBARP.
Here’s how you calculate WAR (via saberlibrary.com):
Offensive players – Take wRAA and UZR (which, if you remember, are both in runs format) and add them together. Add in a positional adjustment, since some positions are tougher to play than others. And then convert the numbers so that they’re based not league average, but on replacement level (which again, is the value a team would lose if they had to replace that player with a minor leaguer or someone from the waiver wire). Convert the run value you have to wins (10 runs = 1 win) and voila, finished!
Pitchers – Where offensive WAR used wRAA and UZR, pitching WAR uses FIP. Based on how many innings a pitcher threw, FIP is turned into runs form, converted to represent value above replacement level, and is then converted from runs to wins.
Holy crap.
I once saw Neifi Perez lead the Cubs to an extra inning victory over The Cardinals by hitting a grand slam. In terms of whether I believe in the importance of Sabermetrics, that’s like walking in on your Dad playing Santa Claus on the night before Christmas. That’s like walking in on Neifi Perez playing Santa Claus.
I don’t know how baseball terms became so synonymous with sexual innuendo. For my money there are other sports that lend themselves better to innuendo than baseball. Case and point:
-Through the uprights.
- Injury time. (For the more S&M minded individual)
- 2 ball in the corner pocket.
- Tiger Woods.
So a one panel deal today. I’ve been absolutely buried in my real job, so this was more out of neccessity than anything else. Still, I can’t say I disagree with the result.
You have to give the Brewers credit for the sausage race. It pains me to give a divisional foe credit for getting something right, but for my money, this is the best piece of non-baseball entertainment that goes on on the field. I was doing a bit of research on the tradition and was going to put things in my own words, but I’m just going to go ahead and paste this next bit straight from Wikipedia. Here are your competitors:
#1, Brett Wurst is a bratwurst and wears green Austro-Bavarian lederhosen.
#2, Stosh is a Polish sausage and wears dark sunglasses and a blue and red rugby shirt.
#3, Guido is an Italian sausage and wears a chef’s outfit.
#4, Frankie Furter is a hot dog and wears a baseball uniform.
#5, Cinco is a chorizo and wears a sombrero.
Brett Wurst? Do they have Martin doing their writing?
Other fun facts:
- The first live sausage races was in 1994 on the same day that Yount’s jersey was retired. Personally, I can’t think of a more fitting tribute.
- Randall Simon was arrested for attacking a sausage with a baseball bat, causing a two wiener pile up.
- The Nationals make fun of them in favor of their own version, calling them the “Unracing Sausages.” So, apparently the Nats suck at baseball AND trashtalking.
So, I’ll leave you with an image of the best possible time I can picture having at a grocery store:
Back to the basics.
Congratulations to Andre Dawson for being the sole inductee to the Hall of Fame this year. I remember growing up with him as a Cub. I have this one memory where the Cubs only offense was a pair of Dawson solo home runs, and the WGN people had updated the score graphic to reflect the other team against Andre Dawson’s name (instead of listing the Chicago Cubs). Perhaps I’m making this up. Perhaps my talking rutabega was also a figment of my imagination. I doubt it.
So that’s it- the end of the 5 parter. Make sure to click “Back” to check out the other parts. Or you can just go here to start from the beginning.
So, closing thoughts? I think Scott Boras is an interesting character. Think players get paid too much? Well yeah, that’s a bit of an exhausting problem, and it seems like something that is just going to persist over time. Scott Boras helps perpetuate that issue by frequently asking for contracts that only a subset of the richest teams can live up to.
But on the other hand, he creates the kind of contracts that will keep guys on the same team for a long time. Sure, when you’re a fan of a team that is stuck with a washed up player that still has 5 years left on his contract this can be a bitter pill to swallow. It’s risky. But it certainly makes it feel like a team again. Perhaps this will decrease the plight of the journeyman. Cliff Lee is one of the best pitchers in the league and has been on three teams in two years. Maybe getting away from that isn’t such a bad thing either.
Also, if you’re ever going to make a dead person puppet, make sure to use something more transparent than rope. Fishing line would be good.
This is part 4 of 5 of the Scott Boras adventures. Lost? Check out the earlier episodes by clicking “Back.”
Look, I’m not suggesting the Blue Jays are so desperate for talent after seeing Halladay leave that they would welcome the death of Scott Boras. I’m not suggesting that Canada is full of such heartless fans that such a tragedy wouldn’t affect them in some way. Yes, I’m aware that hockey is king there, and I’m definitely not going to poke fun at them over the fact that the Blackhawks have made the Canucks just look silly the past two playoff series.
I’m certainly not going to go off on a tangent about how Canadian bacon isn’t actually bacon at all. It’s ham. What if I don’t want ham? You know what I do when I want ham? I buy freaking ham. What am I supposed to do if I want bacon? Order the ham and see if it comes out tasting like bacon.
Such a thought is of no consequence to this post.
I’m also not going to talk about the Rogers Centre, and how the rest of the league has figured out how horrible of an idea artificial surfaces are. And yes, I’m aware the Rays still have it as well, but their 16 fans can’t really tell the difference.
What I am going to do, is end this post.
Part 5 of 5 next week. Thanks for sticking in there!
Hey, you didn’t see Scott Boras on the dance floor. He actually moves exactly like that. As I put into the comics before, this is actually part 3 of an ongoing story. Check out the other parts by clicking on Back.
Elsewhere…
George Steinbrenner is dead. The reaction around the baseball world seems pretty mixed, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to dislike anyone that cares about winning to that degree. I’m more disgusted by owners that don’t take personal stock in the performance of their team. That’s why, no matter how blindingly annoying I find Mark Cuban, I was fairly enthusiastic when I heard that his name was being tossed around in the list of potential Cubs owners.
So hat’s off to you Mr. Steinbrenner.
Yeah yeah yeah, Scott Boras, blah blah blah.
A contextual blog post is not important right here. What is, is my opportunity for gloating.
Not long ago, the Chicago Cubs beat the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States 12-1 (on June 20). Frustrated with the inconsistency of the club, and also well aware that we would soon be traveling to Seattle where the outfield dimensions were designed by someone seriously trying to compensate for something, I made a little prediction about the Cubs offensive production over the next 6 games.
What’s more shocking is that I DOCUMENTED IT!
That’s right! Right here on The Dugs Twitter account I said:
Cubs scored 12 sunday. How long will their next 12 runs take? My bet: 3rd game of the sox series (6 games). No more than 4 total in SEA. – June 22nd.
So, let’s recap what happened. Not only was I dead on about the 4 runs (they scored exactly 4), but their 12th run came in 6th inning of game 3 against the Sox. How do you like them apples Macaulay Culkin?
That would have been enough to impress, right. But did I stop there? That would be a horrible question to ask if I actually did stop there. Of course I did not stop there! When I’ve got a good thing going, I milk that cow until it’s fallen asleep from exhaustion. I followed up with my prediction about where Lebron James would go:
Lebron booked an hour long special? What’s he going to say? “I’m going to the Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (45 minutes later) eeeat.”
And I think we all know how that turned out don’t we? How does that strike you random cat?
Shoot, I’m going to start charging for this stuff.
Is this ridiculous? Meh… maybe. My do baseball teams put up with agents like Scott Boras? Why don’t they just kidnap his damn monkey and tell him to piss off?
Maybe you have to stay on his good side. Maybe you have to hear him out when he starts to explain that Rick Ankiel will hold up: pitchers become successful hitters for the long haul all the time, don’t be crazy. Maybe you have to humor him so that when he does actually come around with talent, he thinks back fondly and can say “Yes. This guy did not kidnap my monkey. We can do business.”
Oh my, can you tell I’ve been working all weekend and have nothing but gibberish left in my head? Make sure to come back for part 2 next week, and don’t forget about our new Tuesday/Thursday feature Hit & Run (navigation pending)!